The Transformational Power Of Suffering

Feb 09, 2024

Something extremely uncomfortable I have had to tell many people, especially parents regarding their son or daughter is this:

They will not quit taking drugs, drinking alcohol or any other damaging trait for anyone.

People don’t quit destructive habits for their parents, their children, friends or anyone else.

They stop when they get absolutely sick of how it’s impacting their life.

The suffering has to outweigh the temporary pleasure and distraction that comes from a destructive habit.

I’ve often written about how fragile many young men are and how this creates a similar problem to the addict.

They are addicted to comfort and all the time life is easy and comfortable, they will not grow in a career, business, sport or their character.

 They have to get sick of themselves and their situation.

 I have coached many young men and there are always some that say all the right things but won’t take action. Life is always comfortable and they feel they have no need to face their fears and expand.

Sooner or later though, this self imposed fragility leads to an undeniable weak character, who is often jealous, lying, manipulative and folds under the slightest pressure.

Whoever considers fragility to be harmless doesn’t understand that if facing discomfort and fear is denied, then so are the qualities that accompany the confrontation of these fears. These include courage, respect, compassion, integrity and honour.

The embracing of fragility shuts the door on virtue and masculinity.

I was speaking to a 15 year old client of mine last weekend about this very subject. He’s attending a pressurised private school, training hard 3 times a week in boxing and another 2 nights per week additional training. He is also fighting competitively.

He is a fantastic young man, full of drive, discipline, ambition and respect.

It is this sort of young man that will forge the future in a very positive way.

In a world of a deliberate fragilising of young men, those like him, won’t just stand out, they will lead and dominate because organisations or leaders looking for work ethic, manners, resilience and self respect, will snap someone up with these qualities as they become increasingly rarer.

Somehow, we have given struggling, hardship and failure a negative connotation.

The truth is, we only become acquainted with our highest self through challenge and hardships and it is this that we are intrinsically designed for.



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